Ten Things I Learned From: Kick Ass

• Quoting Scarface NEVER works. It didn’t work for Tony Montana, and it won’t work for you. And that goes double for real life.

• Never trust a superhero with a cool car. Or if their dad is Mark Strong. Or if their costume is better than yours.

• Don’t underestimate the disguise ability of a slightly longer mustache and far too much eye makeup. It works for Nicolas Cage, and it can work for you too.

• No matter how overtly unsexualised you make a character, if said character is an underaged girl, then sooner or later some overly PC jackass will see what they want to see and try to manufacture controversy. They will usually fail, but for a few days, it’s facepalm city.

• Comic book nerds are never satisfied when properties get filmed. Of course, I knew this beforehand, I just needed to reiterate how precious nerds can get.

• Why NOT raise your daughter to be an instrument of revenge? Sure beats seeing her wind up on Girls Gone Wild. Yeah, she’ll probably end up with daddy issues either way, but at least you were there for her – to watch her get her first headshot, to execute her first mugger, that awkward moment when you have to get her fitted with bulletproof armour.

• Once you decide to be a superhero, you will almost instantly find an awesome outfit and it will fit perfectly.

• Pretending to be a gay guy is frustrating, up until the girl finds out you are straight – then she can’t resist your manliness and WILL shag you silly on a dumpster behind a comic book store (yes, I know that’s not how it happened in the book, but the site is called Film A Day, not Graphic Novel A Day).

• The bees are ALWAYS going to be in Nic Cage’s eyes, and he will ALWAYS end up on fire.

• The coolest way to make an entry is with a jetpack. Do not argue with this, because you will lose. Just accept it.